So since this is my little corner of the internet, and I've had a really, really hellacious day...I'm going to prop my little soap box up in said corner and speak my mind.
I am friends on Facebook with a girl I went to high school with. Everyone knew who she was, and everyone knew who I was, but we existed on totally different levels. She was a cheerleader. She was thin, gorgeous, led a seemingly charmed life, always had a date for Homecoming, Prom, National Holidays, etc... She was one of the girls I wanted to be, or at least wanted to be a part of her crowd. We lived in the same neighborhood. She lived "around the corner and up the hill" from my house. Socio-economically we were the same, upper middle class.
When my daughter was an infant she had her days and nights mixed up. This was something I had not been through with my first child, so I turned to Facebook for help. Posted my problem and asked if any of my friends had dealt with this. This one friend responded to my post, and then sent me a very long, very informative email (through FB) about a book she had read and how well it had worked for her daughter (who is about 5 months older than my daughter). We started an email conversation and I mentioned that I go back to the "old neighborhood" often as my parents still live there...her response? "Oh, I didn't know you lived in <insert name of our neighborhood>". I was mortified. It brought me right back to high school and the days where I would not dare to say hello to this girl, or anyone in her crowd, for fear that they would not know who I was. As I told my friend shortly after this happened "I didnt even exist in her world back then". In hindsight, I realize how silly this was...I'm friends with nearly my entire graduating class, and most of them friended me, so they obviously know who I am. But in that moment, I was 15 again. Shy. Insecure. And absolutely terrified of being "unknown".
I'm feeling the same way tonight. I know most of it is because of the day I've had. But I've recently launched an online store, and even more recently begun advertising on another blog that I read daily. Ever since I started the ad and knew there was a giveaway, my fear has been "what if no one even enters???" Could I live with the shame and humiliation, the rejection of knowing that this little business that I've poured my heart and soul, not to mention my hopes and dreams, into, doesn't even register on most peoples radar? That they don't even care enough about it, or are not interested enough in it to bother entering a giveaway for a $25 gift certificate? Well...the giveaway launched yesterday, and in just over 24 hours, there are 2 entries. Yes, 2. As in one more that 1.
To add insult to injury, I decided today that I need to clear some space in the store to make room for some really great stuff I've recently found, so I announced a 40% off sale through Monday. 40%. That's quite a markdown. Sure, not as great as 50%, but still...I'm always happy to pay 40% less than regular price. I began tweeting about the sale this morning, asking people to retweet. I posted it 3 or 4 times throughout the day, and not one person bothered to retweet it. Zero. I'm so invisible that not one person of my minor following, cared enough about me, my store and my sale, to hit the retweet button, and click send. Two mouse clicks. Really? I'm that invisible? Just when I was starting to actually have conversations with people on Twitter, and felt like I was infiltrating the cool crowd just a bit, I get kicked in the face. I'm feeling really down. I just spent a couple hours working on a new site that I'm hoping to launch late this week or early next week, and now I'm sitting here thinking, why? What is the point? This wonderful resource that we have has become so "clique-ish" that the people who get my tweets can't even bother to give me 2 mouse clicks. All the hopes I've had that maybe this is the idea that will allow me to work for myself, really make my own hours, find an outlet for my creativity, etc...they are dashed. Stomped into the ground. Gone.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up with a positive attitude and this blah-ness will be gone. But if not, I guess I'll gather up my backpack, tight roll my Forenza pants, throw on an Outback Red henley t-shirt, and head out the door to catch the school bus for another day at Twitter-High. I'm sure eventually, someone will see me, and realize what a cool, smart, funny and amazing person I am. ::crosses fingers::
